The subject of this post may seem morbid for my first attempt to write something substantial, however, I feel that looking back is an ideal way to start any journey.
It is no surprise that our past can be a source of empowerment or that very core of our demise. Whether it’s in business, relationships, physical acceptance or otherwise, everyone has a story to tell and most of the time the story is bleak. For some reason, and we can dissect this later, people prefer to hold onto the pain of the past rather than the joy. I think this has to do with how we perceive and process trauma.
I have had many traumatic experiences in my life, some I wish to forget, however I know I never will. It is not these traumatic experiences that bother me but more how the traumatic ripples are still permeating my life. It doesn’t take much for a forgotten insecurity caused by a traumatic experience to be triggered, throwing me into complete disarray while I attempt to deal with the oncoming mental barrage of toxic thought patterns.
It still amazes me how a traumatic experience is so difficult to deal with. I consider myself to be a highly self-reflective and fairly emotionally intelligent individual. However there seems to be no amount of healing that my present self can give to my traumatised interpretation of my past self. I think trauma lives in the cells of your body, and as such the eradication of this trauma requires far more than positive thinking and self-actualizing stories. It sure is a process.
As we navigate this life as damaged goods trying to find love, acceptance, health and happiness, it is our ability to deal with trauma that is the metric we should all be looking to assess ourselves against. Our trauma, our past, does not just affect us, but more importantly affects the people around us, the ones we love and care most about. My trauma has resulted in inferiority complexes and a very healthy dose of cynicism. I should treat every situation as a new opportunity, every new acquaintance as a potential best friend and every partner as the love of my life. I am unable to do this due to those burnt in memories and soul stopping pain relived by my traumatic Siamese twin.
This is not all Doom and Gloom though. I was taught and through experience realized that growth is NEVER achieved through the easy and good times. Just like working out, if you want your muscles to grow, you need to break them down, you need time under tension and then you need to rest. The trauma I have experience has made me grow into an individual I am truly proud of. I have wisdom beyond my years due to the challenges I have had to endure. Unlike building muscle though, you never seem to forget, forgive and release those life altering trauma’s. Building muscle requires daily doses of small tears and then periods of rebuilding. If you tore the muscle off the bone on a monthly bases you would probably be in a wheelchair, never mind being stronger.
I guess the point of this is to highlight that we all have pain in our past and sometimes that pain is more aligned to tearing the muscle from the bone as opposed to being a healthy challenge that makes you grow.
Be understanding of other people’s pain, they cannot help but deal with it, and be kind to yourself, you are not alone in this journey.
Love always,
Brandon