Death, it’s a strange concept isn’t it. The ultimate ending and realization that in fact we are nothing but flesh suites wondering this planet for a brief moment in time, while trying to justify our existence and search for meaning in the experiences we choose to have and remember.
When contemplating the inevitability of death, I find myself confronted with a number of conundrums, paradoxes and realizations that I wish I could hold onto. All our problems seem to dissolve and the things that we placed so much significance on no longer matter. Death seems to bring out the best in us, it’s almost like we are now, all of a sudden, given permission to let go of all the worry, hurt and despair that has accumulated over the course of our lives.
I was recently confronted with the Death of someone I didn’t know very well but who played a very significant part in my life. My reaction to the news of this death perplexed me. On one side I was incredibly remorseful, sad and filled with unanswered questions. On the other side I felt numb, unable to express this strange feeling that I had inside of me, I am still trying to process this news and I think it will take some time before I can assimilate with it and work out its significance.
You see the individual who passed away was a very polarizing individual in my life. He divided, caused pain and shifted the very course of life itself for so many people. He was also incredibly kind, caring and selfless yet he possessed a black hole of regret so large it could suck the essence of life out of its surroundings should you let it. He did some very bad things in his life and he also did some incredibly good and selfless things. I think I can safely say that we are all guilty of that previous statement.
So here is my question, the ultimate conundrum around death and its complex mapping comprising of a million emotional roads all leading to the heart of the deceased. Why, when someone dies, do we then decide to forgive, forget and love. Why do we then choose to love? Why do we then choose to question our feelings and why do we feel it’s necessary to spend an uncommon amount of time reminiscing and paying homage to that individual?
Of course this is not always the case, in some rare circumstances the death of another individual can be seen as an act of satisfaction when coupled with that black emotion we call revenge. But revenge is never as sweet as you thought it would be, is it.
In other cases, the death of an individual is expected and those that love and adore the deceased have had ample time to spend those final moments downloading their real thoughts and feelings before that person takes their final breath.
Unfortunately, the two scenarios described above are rare, we are more often than not left in a situation where the ones we love, loved or dislike are taken unexpectedly and before we have the opportunity to make peace, express our feelings or come to terms with our history it’s too late.
One thing I have always tried to do in my life is to leave no doubt in the minds of my friends and family about how I feel towards them. This world is filled with danger, emotional landmines and manipulative assassins. Don’t leave how you feel open to interpretation. Tell the ones you love that you love them, forgive the ones that have hurt you, come to terms with the pain you have experienced and let it go.
No one is able to see when their time will be up. This is something that we should not dwell on but that we should definitely keep as a daily reminder.
Yes, we are all loved and forgiven in death, but it’s far better to be loved and forgiven while still living.
Brandon